


Always In My Mind

by eraleon



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: RvB Angst War, just a short something, they weren't romantically in love with each other but yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraleon/pseuds/eraleon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because he failed her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always In My Mind

They were back from the mission. 

He should’ve felt glad to be out of there, glad that none of his teammates were hurt --- Yet he couldn’t bring himself to ever feel such a happiness. Because no matter what, it didn’t look like Connecticut would be coming back. It didn’t look like she would ever sit by his side quietly and rest her head on his shoulder after a long day’s worth or work just to stargaze with him. How she’d hook her arm with his just because she got scared whenever she thought about the celestial bodies for too long. How they loved each other in ways that old romance just wouldn’t do. It was their friendship that made them stick together like glue, and somehow it was their friendship that made them fall apart.

Someone would’ve thought they shared the same mind, the way how they could just read each other like it was nothing --- How they knew what the other would say or do in the next second without even so much as sparing a glance at each other. 

It was a friendship almost tangible ; so palpable that you could feel it. 

And yet, she somehow slipped through his fingers like water. How could he have not seen the warning signs? How could he have not seen that something was so, horribly wrong? How could he call himself her friend, but yet he couldn’t save her? 

...He saw the warning signs. He walked in on a call. He saw how bitter she was becoming. It screamed at him, and yet... He ignored it. So how the fuck can he call himself her friend? Why couldn’t he save her? Why was he such a failure in every aspect of his life, that he couldn’t for once just think about other people and lay himself on the line for her? 

She’d done it for him, and she always promised. So why couldn’t he?

_I wasn’t called the objective._

And yet, here Washington stood, Carolina’s news striking something deep within him. No bullet wound could hurt as much as those words she solemnly spoke hurt. Nothing could make this pain so real. 

And even as he turned and left without so much as a word, even if he heard York and North’s concerned inquiries in the back of his mind, he didn’t process them. All he could feel was the floor spinning beneath him, the blurriness creeping up on his vision and everything fading into itself --- His mind going blank, a nauseating feeling overwhelming him almost instantly as the words repeated themselves in his head over and over again.

Agent Connecticut was Killed In Action. KIA. 

Agent Connecticut was dead.

His best friend was dead.

_She was the objective._

And Washington made a straight beeline for his room, for his waste bin before he sat on the edge of his bed and only realized then that he had been crying. 

Since when did he grow numb?

Since when was he crying?

_Agent Connecticut is dead._

 

And it was all his fault. If only he had just acknowledged the warning signs.

But now, nothing would ever, ever be the same anymore. York and North or not, he was one family member less. It was like he’d interacted with a ghost before the missions, especially with her drained look in her eyes, and the bitterness and hopelessness. It accompanied the dawning realization to the Freelancer that he’d already lost Connie a long time ago, before she became CT, and everything went downhill.

Connie was already dead. 

But the monster...

The monster that took her place was silent.

Was she a traitor in the end? Did she cry out for help? Did she beg Texas not to kill her? Did she go down fighting like she knew best? Did she think of him at all? 

Did she blame him? Did she feel hatred towards him because he didn’t save her? Did she hold it against him that he wasn’t able to see she was already long gone? Did she die in pain, in agony?

The lingering questions are enough to throw him over the edge, hurling into the waste bin he gripped so tightly on that his knuckles turned white. No matter what, he would always remember her so fondly --- He would always remember her as a failure, just like him.

That’s why they were so close, he supposed. Even if she was a hero in his eyes.

And that’s how the weeks went on and on : Washington beginning to recede within himself with depression, a sigh passing his lips more than often, and the waste bin being emptied so frequently that he had more than just one now. 

All he did was stare at the ceiling. He didn’t sleep. He didn’t toss and turn. He cried a lot, too. But he never felt it. All he could feel was devastation, anger, guilt, and an unrelenting feeling of failure. 

Because he failed her. 


End file.
